What To Do When A Partner Doesn’t Help With Housework?
Lack of participation in everyday chores is one of the most recurring problems in couples living together. “A partner doesn’t help with housework” is a complaint that a great many women have repeated to their friends. No scientific research is needed to determine how exhausted and frustrated many women (and, of course, in some cases, a man) are due to their partner’s lack of cleansing.
In the past, this situation was justified by the belief that a man should be responsible for a livelihood and a woman be at home to take care of family and home. However, times have changed and women have other important roles than housekeeping. Nevertheless, this way of thinking is sadly common even today – many believe that it is primarily a woman who should be responsible for housekeeping.
Often a woman works outside the home and takes care of her children, and in addition to this, many still clean up at home clearly more than a partner. In fact, outside the Nordic countries, depending on the country, it is more or less common for a man to do almost no housework at all .
Although gender equality is a trend today, it is clear that much progress is still needed. In most cultures, women have to experience this disparity far too much.
Let’s then look at the reasons and possible solutions to when a partner doesn’t want to do their part to keep the home in order.
Why doesn’t my partner help with housework?
The perception of gender roles has been distorted by history. There has always been inequality between women and men; especially regarding expectations about how to behave when living in a marriage.
There are a variety of reasons why a partner may not want to help with household chores as much as it would be fair:
- Mom once did everything for her. If your husband’s mother took care of all the housework in the childhood home, your partner may not realize that she should now be involved in the housework herself. She doesn’t know this because she saw a woman at home doing all the housework.
- A woman may have “superwoman syndrome”. Sometimes a man doesn’t help his partner because this makes participation difficult. A woman doesn’t want to share her work with her partner, so the man gets used to doing nothing and doesn’t even try to participate anymore.
- A man can’t do housework. This, of course, may sound like an excuse, and most of the time it can be just that. However, your partner may have difficulty doing homework due to lack of skills. When he wants to help, he may cause more problems than benefits.
- Machoculture. Although society has made progress in terms of the role of women, especially in the Nordic countries, some men are really lagging behind. In this case, the spouse may cling to the idea that washing the dish will make him or her less manly. Sometimes, on the other hand, a man considers himself a “king” who should be allowed to receive pampering from his wife at home.
What should be done to get a partner to do their homework?
If you are physically or mentally tired of an unfair amount of housework, it’s time to take action. Here are some tips to fix this situation permanently:
- There is a problem. Ask your partner directly why he or she is not helping and is making the effort to support his or her family and spouse. Remind him that this is a very important thing to keep your home in good condition.
- Find out each other’s strengths. Since you are a couple, but still two different people, you should think about what would be the best solution for both parties. For example, some are good at cooking but bad at housekeeping – so find out which household chores are best for each.
- To-do list. Make a list of all your homework so you can more easily share these daily or weekly. This is how even the most forgetful partner remembers their own responsibilities.
Teach your partner to help with cleaning
As we mentioned, the problem is not always due to a lack of interest from the partner. Education and also your own behavior can make your partner inactive, and he or she may not know how to be helpful at all. In this case, you should teach him to clean.
First, give him basic tasks like washing the window, taking care of the counters, removing spider webs, or taking out the trash every day.
Make sure you don’t criticize in any way his way of handling these chores. Also, don’t watch all the time to see if something is going wrong now. Instead, show your partner how to do things they don’t really know.
This is a dilemma that needs to be fixed
Does it feel like everything at home is your responsibility? Have you repeatedly complained to your friends that your husband doesn’t clean your home enough?
If you want the situation to change, it is important to take action. Follow the tips we give now to get started improving your quality of life. When you reach an agreement that benefits both you and your partner, you can both be more satisfied with the situation.
